Beginning in childhood, we are taught about the virtues of compassion, and we believe that compassion demonstrates a profound sense of empathy and the capacity to care deeply about another. Conversely, we see those lacking empathy as autistic, excessively narcissistic, and even psychopathic.
But we would do well to remember that the archetypal and etymological roots of the word “compassion” refer to an act of “suffering together.” It is defined as “the feeling that arises when you are confronted with another’s suffering and feel motivated to relieve that suffering” (The Greater Good Science Center at the University of California, Berkeley).
While is a gift to feel deeply for another, it is also a great challenge to realize that another’s transgressions are so extreme that we no longer care to help or no longer feel the need to share in their suffering. From Simon Wiesenthal’s concentration-camp experiences captured in his book, Sunflower: The Limits of Forgiveness, and from more than 40 years in clinical practice, I see that the capacity to turn away one’s care, one’s love, even one’s pity for another is often painfully experienced as an act contra naturam, since it appears that we’re turning our backs on our cultural and spiritual beliefs. Especially for these reasons, to consciously allow for an absence of compassion in a relationship with one who has hurt us, our family, and our culture so deeply may instead represent a great act of individuation.
In this presentation, I will discuss those situations that may have us turning away from compassion and how we can learn to carry and to see the spiritual value of such emotions.
