Following the death by suicide of a client of mine and after many years working with suicidal clients, I recognized a common thread: that of shame. Then my own brother committed suicide, and this brought back to me memories of my own suicide attempt decades before, and the years spent trying to understand and deal with it and with my own shame. I decided it was time to delve into the subject more deeply. I began my research. This article is the culmination of that research. In it, I describe toxic shame, the shame of existing, the sources of shame, the neurobiology of shame, and, most importantly, the effect of shame on the relationship to the Self.